You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
