he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
