Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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