My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
