he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
