Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
