I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
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