i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
