from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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