Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
