um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you mean i was at the winter classic?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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