you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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