Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
