There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
