What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
