It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
