Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
