She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
