You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize