they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
