No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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