I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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