either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
