My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
