his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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