it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
high people should be assigned attendants
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
