THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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