the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Alive.
So much puke
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
