I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
