I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
