if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
