OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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