somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
