Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
