how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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