laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
