On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
