my sisters under your porch take her home
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
