When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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