Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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