Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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