it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Found your dick twin last night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
