I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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