im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize