bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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