I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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