I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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