His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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