I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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