the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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