I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
