Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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