maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
