The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
operation harelip BJ is a go
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize