my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
