the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
