The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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