i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
