i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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