I just saw a hot homeless man
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
