Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
