Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
