i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
