Who wears a wallet chain?!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
