i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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